friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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