I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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