do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
