I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
