I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
