you win again, gameday.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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