R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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