I'm lost and stupid without you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
