Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
These tits shall not be calmed
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