can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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