Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
