i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
