i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
