For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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