I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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