My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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