I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
