So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
