um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
