it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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