my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
