when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
