Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That was before I lit my hair on fire
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
