Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
