how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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