Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
