need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
