I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I looked at my own cervix.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
