Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
