So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can I color on your dick again?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
