I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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