I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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