I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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