youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
