i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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