i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
