What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
