Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
