Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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