I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
