Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize