My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize