why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
