I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
