i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
