If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
