I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
