i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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