I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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