I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
